Tragically, many believe that stomach butterflies, attraction, and initial feelings are enough to make their relationships thrive. This isn’t always the case. And unfortunately, when they don’t feel aligned with their partners, distrust starts to grow, leaving both parties miserable.
It’s a terrible idea to get into a relationship with the assumption that you’ll change the other person. That’s almost impossible. While finding a partner, it’s advisable to look for one with a personality that complements yours.
Thanks to advancements in technology, the search is more comfortable than ever. You can find a well-groomed lady by signing up for a mail order bride – the one you can maturely resolve conflicts with.
It’s no doubt that we all dream of living happily ever after with our significant other, but achieving this is no child’s play. It’s easy to fall prey to some patterns that stir conflict in our relationships. To build a relationship that will stand the test of time, we need to consciously confront these patterns that can change our ‘happily ever after’ to a ‘happily never after.’
Ups and downs will indeed surface at different points in a relationship. However, when your relationship is fraught with misunderstandings at every turn, that’s a sign you are on the wrong path. It calls for introspection. The practices outlined below are some of the many out there that can ruin relationships:
1. Treating Your Needs as Less Important
Firstly, you should always be your priority. This doesn’t mean you should never compromise to fit in your partner’s to-dos, but over-comprising isn’t advisable. When you always make room so that the other can have their way at the expense of your joy, you’ll eventually burn yourself out. It will help if you iron this out with your partner. They are not mind-readers and may never tell that you are feeling overburdened if you don’t tell them yourself.
2. Obsessively Trying to “Fix” Them
We are flawed beings, and you’ll be making a futile effort trying to get rid of your partner’s shortcomings. If anything, I’ve learned from my relationships with people that people can’t change unless they want the change for themselves. Continually trying to correct their annoying traits will only make them feel like a broken toy. Nobody appreciates being treated as if something is wrong with them. Instead of dwelling on these flaws, learn to appreciate your partner for their positive characteristics.
3. Making a Fuss About Past Mistakes
Keeping a reference book for every misstep your partner made is unreasonable and toxic. While this might serve as a back-up in winning some arguments, it impairs trust. In the same light, bringing up a past misdoing after you had claimed to forgive is evident that you never forgave in the first place, and you aren’t forgiving. In simple terms, you are one step to ending with a ruined relationship you engineered.
4. Putting up a Defense Mechanism
It’s prevalent among humans to put up defenses when confronted with their wrongs. Nothing ever gets resolved from lashing out at the one you care about the most. Instead, the issues will keep lingering and will gradually weaken the bond between you and your loved one. “You left the toilet seat up”, “You didn’t get rid of the used paper towel,” and other avoidable arguments can be skipped altogether. Learn to listen to your partner attentively. This entails paying close attention to the issues they’re highlighting.
5. Rebuffing During an Argument
During a heated argument, the urge to shut our partners out is usually at its peak. We just want them to shut up, and so we pick up our smartphones while they talk to make them feel like they are babbling. This is a very disrespectful relationship behavior that ends in aggravating the situation. Instead of resorting to this, it’s best to tell them to give you a little space so you can be in a better frame of mind to talk.
If you do not learn to spoil yourself silly when you can and enjoy your company, your partner might never fill that hole. You’d find yourself depending on them to complete you, and when your needs aren’t fulfilled, you will feel neglected and frustrated. While your partner may never show that they feel too tasked, it’s a whole lot of pressure. Your relationship shouldn’t feel like a job with strenuous daily tasks to complete. Instead, it should be your fountain of solace where you get to unburden and recharge.
7. Being Adamant About Your Decisions
Making rigid decisions always makes your partner feel invalidated, and gives the impression that their opinion doesn’t count. While your decision may look like it would yield the best result, try to view things from your partner’s perspective. Instead of rolling your eyes or making a sarcastic joke about their opinion, try to actively listen as the former leads to resentment from their end.
8. Feeling Too Relaxed
It’s great to get comfortable around your partner, but it’s also detrimental to let yourself go slack in a relationship. This is because you often become less conscious, losing the spice and your authenticity that brought about the union in the first place. The relationship eventually starts losing its spark, becoming dull.
Jamie Polsters is an expert online relationship coach. In the past 15 years, he has helped people looking to find love and meet their life partners. He has also brought stability to many deteriorating relationships while working at YourMailOrderBride.