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Home Schooling Nine to Twelve Year Olds and Socialization

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When home schooling a child between nine and twelve years old, there is a lot of pressure for peer pressure. Keep in mind that not all children undergo this pressure to be with and like their peers, while distancing themselves from their parents. These preteens still need plenty of attention, eye contact, positive reinforcement and praise, personal communication, and good interaction with their parents. Believe it or not, children at this age do still enjoy being read to. Keep having positive attitudes toward learning; focus on making learning interesting and engaging. Make sure you use positive constructive criticism with the least amount of academic pressure possible. Focus on providing a safe, secure learning environment that encourages love, acceptance and reassurance. This will, in time, raise their feelings of self worth and help them understand where their values lie.

At this tender age of hormones, mixed emotions, changing feelings, group planning in curriculum is suggested. Preteens prefer learning skills that have a reason or purpose in real life. For instance, instead of offering busy work in language arts, ask your child to write a letter to a manufacturing company in regards to a defective household product for you. Not only would this make the child feel important but the learning task would be a skill much needed in real life. When learning math, use real life examples with money and budgeting, perhaps even balancing a checkbook. Use graphs and charts to set goals with earned money and savings. Reading about science from a textbook is one way to learn the subject, but performing experiments or identifying specimens in nature is much more engaging. Daily and weekly chores are necessary to learn responsibility and accountability as an integral part of the family.

Remember to always model what you want to teach. Learn new topics together. Dissect a grasshopper for science, work on the family budget together, etc. Homeschooling allows parents to design a curriculum that benefits their children. Find out where your preteen has strengths and weaknesses and plan your curriculum around that.

Homeschooling and Socialization:

When parents talk about home schooling their children, the most common concern is regarding socialization. Parents are concerned that their children will not learn how to adapt to social situations. Unless the homeschooling parent decides to isolate their children completely from the outside world, this is impossible. In fact, children who are home schooled have more interaction with people of all ages, not just their age group. The average home schooled child attends more educational field trips during the year than the non home schooled child. In addition, home schooled children have more opportunities for after school activities, such as music lessons, sports, and hobbies.

Children who home school feel equally comfortable with younger children, peers, and adults of all ages. Children who home school have daily social interactions with the family, neighborhood and the community. Because of this, studies have shown that children who home school have higher self esteem. Children who attend school do not experience real world situations, while home schoolers are definitely more prepared for the real world.

The type of socialization that is experienced in schools is often negative. Large school settings harbor conformity, teasing, bullying, defiant behavior, popularity contests, and competition. No wonder home schooled children have higher self esteem; children at home are learning kindness, patience, sharing, respect, and understanding. These home schooled children are not exposed to peer influences which foster peer dependency. Peer dependent children show diminished positive socialization, such as self-worth, confidence, reverence for their parents, and trust in peers. Although home school children may play with other children in the neighborhood and experience this peer dependence, strong morals and values are being taught at home that override these negative experiences.

Home schooled children learn to listen to their own instincts and let that guide them to make their own decisions. Conforming to a peer social group that does not value individuality does not foster independent thinking, which is necessary for a successful life.

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Codependency – Do You Need to Be Needed?

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Maybe you grew up in a dysfunctional home in a codependent relationship. In the bestselling book, The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls tells of her hardscrabble childhood. Her father was an alcoholic, her mother abdicated her role as caregiver, and the children had to fend for themselves. Walls’ parents made their children serve them, not the other way around. Perhaps your situation is not so deeply dysfunctional, but it doesn’t have to be to grow up codependent.

What does it mean to be codependent?

Basically, you are codependent when you are in a relationship in which someone who is pathological, possibly with an addiction, controls you. The dysfunctional relationship puts you in a position to help or enable someone else to be immature, irresponsible or incompetent in some way.

Children who grew up with a tenuous bond with their parents, as Walls did, were in a constant state of anxiety. They had to forget their own needs, let alone what they wanted. They even had to forget who they were at their core in order to survive. You don’t have to be a child of an alcoholic to feel that you’re not good enough, and that your own feelings are unworthy. Children with parents suffering from narcissism, borderline personality disorders and other problems can feel equally insecure.

What happens when codependent children grow up?

As children, they learned to sublimate their needs, and most continue in that pattern. Their self-esteem has been eroded, so they need the approval of others, just as in their childhood. They pay more attention to others’ feelings and needs than their own and cater to others so they won’t be abandoned or rejected, as they fear they would have been as children. They have no ability to assert their own needs in a relationship, and often end up with a partner who continues the pattern of codependency.

Yet, having learned in childhood how to manage others, they can appear completely confident and competent. Because they are the person others depend on, they appear mentally and emotionally strong. They understand from experience that they shouldn’t depend on anyone else. They are the problem-solver, the caretaker, the decision-maker and the rescuer. They are driven by the need to be loved and accepted, as they never were by their parents or original caretakers.

Codependents need to be needed.

So they seek out someone who they can ‘help,’ and therefore feel good about themselves. But what often happens as the relationship evolves, is they support the other person’s negative behavior, whether it be incompetency, immaturity, irresponsibility or poor mental and physical health. If they end up with an alcoholic, for example, they enable the behavior by covering for their partner. They continue to rescue their partner-all the while feeling very needed-from problems. In actuality, they are accommodating unhealthy behavior. Unfortunately, the result is they prolong that behavior the longer they enable it.

More about codependency next time.

Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch.

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Amendoim – What is it and How Does it Stack Up to Other Exotic Hardwoods?

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As exotic hardwood floors continue to gain in popularity, Amendoim is sprouting up as a popular hardwood flooring option. But what is it exactly, and where does it come from?

Amendoim is commonly referred to as Brazilian Oak, although another species, Tauari, is also called Brazilian Oak, which has lead to a great deal of confusion among the flooring industry. It is grown in Brazil, Argentina, and Paraguay, and is also used to make fine furniture because it sands and shapes very well compared to other hardwoods.

Much like Brazilian Cherry, Amendoim has a reddish hue, but it has a more golden cast, particularly the sapwood. Amendoim Hardwood Floors have more swirls and rings than seen with Brazilian Cherry, but much like its sister specie, its soft brush strokes look as though they were painted on with watercolor. It will darken with sunlight, also like Brazilian Cherry Hardwood Floors, but it’s a much more subtle difference.

Also like Brazilian Cherry and other exotics, Amendoim is very, very strong, showing top ratings on the Janka hardness scale – 1912, which is above maple and red oak, and equivalent to Santos Mahogany. Brazilian Walnut is considered the strongest at 3680.

Amedoim is available in both solid and engineered hardwoods, with some engineered collections offering very inexpensive options. Engineered products range from $2.89 per square foot to $6.69 depending on the finish, distressing techniques, plank width, and thickness.

You can find solid Amendoim floors ranging from $4.09 per square foot for smaller spaces up to $7.70 for 5 ½ inch wide planks, which are typically the best sellers in all wood flooring products.

Price-wise, Amendoim is somewhat similar to Brazilian Cherry, perhaps a little more expensive, but much of that depends on what you’re looking to do. Handscraped floors will cost more than smoother finishes regardless of the specie. Brazilian Cherry seems to have more engineered options on the market with cheaper prices, but if you’re set on something solid, Amendoim is cheaper.

If you’re still exploring your options for a floor, have a free hardwood floor sample sent to your home so you can actually see the product and cut of the wood. This is particularly important with Amendoim because you could either be getting the tan sapwood or the reddish heartwood. Some cuts have lots of swirls and others don’t. You just want to be sure that you’re getting what you pay for.

A reputable exotic flooring retailer can walk you through the selection process and help you figure out if Amendoim is right for your home.

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How to Clean and Fix Your Oscillating Fan

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When cleaning the fan, you will need the following things:

-a screwdriver, to open the fan

-detergent and some warm water to clean it

-dry cloth or a towel to wipe off the remaining water

Not really a lot of things, right? Well, that’s one more benefit of oscillating fans-they are really easy to open and clean. An oscillating fan cools down more air than a regular fan, so it’s more likely to get dirty faster and more often. That’s why it’s design must allow easy cleaning.

So, the first thing you have to do in order to clean the fan safely is to unplug it from the electricity. After that wipe off the surface dust from the fan. When you have done that, you can begin disassembling it. Remove the grill by unscrewing the screws that keep it together. Some grills don’t have crews but clips and that makes the process even easier. Remove the blades by taking off the screws that keep them attached to the fan. Now you can use detergent to clean the grill and the blades. Be very careful with this because you don’t want any electrical components to get wet. After that use a dry towel or a cloth to dry the washed parts. Before reassembling, the grill and the blades should be left for some minutes to dry a bit more. That way, you will avoid getting injured or breaking down your fan. Reassemble the fan in the reversed order in which the parts were removed. Tightly screw in all the screws, plug it in and test it. Your crispy clean fan should now work perfectly, the ticking is probably gone, and the air is better because you stopped the accumulated dust from spreading around the room.

If you can hear the clicking noise while the head of the fan moves it could be just dirt. However, it could be that the gears are worn or loose. You will have to open it anyway so unplug it and to that.

– Take a screw driver and unscrew the grill of the fan. Take off the blades and clean them altogether with the grill, the shaft and the motor housing. For the grill and the blades you can use only water and detergent but for the shaft and the motor housing vacuum cleaning wouldn’t be such a bad idea. While you are there inspect the motor. If the gears look OK put everything back together again in the reverse order and plug the fan in the electricity. The fan should be running quietly now.

– If the gears look like they need a replacement or tightening up, then your work is not done yet. First check the set screw. If it’s loose tighten it up because this screw balances the blades and when it gets loose they are not balanced correctly and that may cause the buzzing and clicking sound.

– Also inspect the gear assembly and the motor housing. Try tightening them up. If you can then all should be good. But, if they can’t be tightened that means that they are worn and you have to replace them. After they are tightened or replaced lubricate the shaft and reassemble your fan.

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