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How Can Adult Children Relieve Tension?



Continual exposure, during the two decades of an adult child’s upbringing, to fear, trauma, abuse, and survival-oriented reactions created by parental dysfunction, alcoholism, and abuse prime him for significant, sometimes chronic tension, even later in life when triggers spark earlier, unresolved incidents or he is confronted with circumstances those from safe, secure, and stable homes may not perceive e as so daunting. What, then, is tension?

A psychological manifestation and sensation, it can be perceived as an internal tightness, resulting in elevated heart and blood pressure levels and the release of stress hormones. Like a giant, interior rubber band, it deludes the person into believing that it stretches to its maximum length, leaving him to believe that if something is not done to release its tenacity, it will imminently snap. At other times, it feels as if his brain were in an ever tightening vice. An adult child assuredly experienced these “on the edge” sensations during a major portion of his childhood, as the mere entry into the room of his controlling parent caused him to retreat within himself, cease all pleasurable focuses, and prepare for the next blame, shame, or harm. Tension can be the uncomfortable internal state that alerts: Something is about to happen! Get ready for it!

Later-in-life tension, despite the absence of the rigid parent and even a departure from the person’s home environment, can be self-created for four principle reasons.

1). A perceived obstacle to the attainment or successful completion of a goal or endeavor, which can be considered significant and important.

2). A conscious or subconscious perception that a person, place, or thing poses a potential threat and approximates the detrimental circumstances of his upbringing, such as an authority figure, who represents the displaced image of his parent.

3). The resultant consequences if the physical, mental, and/or emotional obstacle is not surmounted so that the goal can be reached, whether that goal be sheer safety or an actual accomplishment of some type.

4). The inability to triumph over the restriction.

I once asked someone which would create more tension about passing a college course and attaining his degree-the ability to write his name on a piece of paper or the requirement to research and write a 20-page term pager, use at least five sources, and do so in under an hour? The latter, obviously, carries three of the tension-creating elements: the need to complete a significant goal (write the term paper), the consequences of that inability (failure of the course), and the impossibility of doing so in a sixty-minute interval.

I doubt that writing a person’s name on a piece of paper to pass a university-level class would produce very much tension for anyone.

Already a cultivated victim, having had parental abuse or even insanity demonstrated as indicative of human behavior, and diminished in resources and development, an adult child may create an even deeper tension when confronted with certain aspects of life that carry these elements, discovering that the more he thinks his way into his helpless ability to overcome his obstacles, the more inhibited he becomes in overcoming them. He eventually forces himself into a mentally imposed prison and throws away the key.

Examination of my own tensions indicates that my subconscious is usually superimposing a present-time situation on an unresolved past-time incident, regenerating the inner child retreat, who was assuredly powerless, helpless, and tool-less, along with the fears, danger, traumas, incapacitations, and immobilizations experienced during its time of necessary creation.

Surmounting obstacles as an adult with these inabilities as a child, needless to say, creates tremendous tension, as the former states, “I have to prevail over this,” but the latter replies, “I can’t. I don’t know how!”

The more he tries, the greater becomes tension’s grip, until he is jammed by it.

Tension’s solutions, which can perhaps more accurately be labeled “tension’s relievers,” are many, but all depend upon the amount of recovery and the ability to pause and assess which of the three brain areas the person is operating from: the brain stem (amygdala-induced reactions), mid (emotions), or upper (logic, reasoning, and executive functioning). That “stop and think” strategy could be the threshold to varying degrees of release and relief, and can threshold several successful strategies.

The adult child, first and foremost, must realize that his past, tension-building reactions most likely never worked before and therefore will not work now. Instead, they will only tighten their grip on him.

Indeed, the solution is paradoxically not tightening his hold on its resign, but instead releasing it and surrendering it to a Higher Power, as he realizes that he is too limited and restricted to find all solutions within him. Because he was forced to do exactly that during his upbringing in the midst of deficient, abandoning parents, it may require significant recovery and “turning over” attempts before he is successful with the effort.

“‘Let go and let God ‘teaches us to release problems that trouble and confuse us because we are not able to solve them by ourselves,” according to Al-Anon’s “Courage to Change” text (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 321).

The adult child must realize that his unresolved childhood issues and the helplessness they now generate are only blocking him and thus causing his tension build-up, not reduction.

Tantamount to understanding his tension-producing stressors is the determination of their intensity and severity. If they are particularly amplified and out-of-proportion for the emotions they create, then he can suspect that his past is playing out in his present without his awareness. Consideration of when he had similar feelings, particularly during his upbringing, may time-peg the incident and re-shelve it, considerably relieving his tension.

When I have used this method, my abusive father’s image has appeared and with that realization the tension has subsided, because I found myself chewing on an earlier-life episode that was feeding the fires of the later-in-life one.

There are several other tension relieving methods, whose effectiveness, based upon personal experience, has varied according to occasion and intensity.

When my internal circuit breaker seems like it is about to pop, the energy that causes it can be diffused or dissipated by speaking either with a sponsor or a trusted friend.

“Many of us have discovered that the telephone can be a life line between meetings,” according to “Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 116). “… A particularly useful time for Al-Anon phone calls is when we are preparing to do something new or frightening. Many of us ‘book-end’ these actions. We make an Al-Anon call before taking the action and we follow (it) with a second call. For those of us who have always acted alone, there is a way to share our risks and our courage with others who will love and support us, no matter what happens.”

Another relieving method is pressing the personal “pause” button by interrupting the building intensity with other, more pleasurable activities or focuses. Like a loop, tensions continually run the same circular track in the brain and heavy emotions ensure that they remain impressed into it, unable to locate the happier “off ramp.”

“Sometimes a horse refuses to obey a rider’s command and races out of control,” advises “Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 306). “My thoughts can do this too, when I frantically try, over and over, to solve a difficult problem… When my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I need to do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive… “

Awareness of the mind’s thoughts and refocusing on external stimuli is known as “mindfulness.”

Light music, a comedy television show, taking a drive, and communing with nature, particularly on a warm, spring day, have all aided me in releasing my mind’s grip from tension’s track.

“When I’m trying to tackle a tough problem or cope with a stressful situation, and I’ve done all I can for the moment, what then?” asks “Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 290). “I can do something that will nurture my mind, body, or spirit. Perhaps I’ll take a walk or listen to music.”

During such walks, I myself have gazed up toward and temporarily immersed myself in the sky’s infinity, realizing how small I and my tension-provoking problems really are in relation to it all.

At times I also think of the friends and relatives who had once been a part of my life, but who are no longer in life, and wonder how important my concerns are in relation to their eternal existences now. How many, I can only ask myself, care that 20 or so years ago, when they were alive, that they had had a “bad hair day?” How, then, can I continue to view my own worries and trepidations with any degree of lasting severity?

As these efforts enable me to adopt new perspectives, my tensions-and the circumstances that cause them-begin to dissolve. I stand on the physical platform designated earth and negotiate the life I have been given in my imperfect and impermanent state the best way I can until someday, like those who preceded me, my cares and concerns will collapse into meaninglessness.


“Courage to Change.” Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.

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What Do Betta Fry Eat?




Betta fry are difficult to raise. One of the toughest things is, well what do they eat. Do not try using powders or flakes, it will just totally foul up the tank. The best thing I have used is microworms. These are tiny little wiggly worms that you can grow yourself and never run out of them. I purchased my first microworm culture from a site called aquabid. Make sure you get this culture before your betta fry are born. Like probably a week before. When the fry are swimming freely, and ready to eat then its time to feed them these microworms.

What I use is a mashed potato mixture to a consistency of like peanut butter. I just used potato flakes and water and put them in a small clear bowl with a lid with small wholes in the top. Place a tablespoon of the culture you got from aquabid in the center of the bowl on top of the mashed potatoes. After about a week, you will see them crawling up the sides of the bowl. Sounds kinda icky, but its not too bad. Then you can take a Q tip and run around the sides of the bowl pulling off the microworms. Then just empty them in the tank off of the Q tip. You will be able to see them wiggle and see the baby betta frys eat them. Do this twice a day.

Its good to have 2 to 3 cultures of microworms growing at all times. All you have to do now is repeat the instructions above and you will never run out of food for your betta fry. The culture usually last about a month or so, so always make new mashed potatoes and take a table spoon from the one you grew and start another one.

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What Does It Mean When He Says You Are Special? Here Is How to Easily Decode Your Man’s Language




Normally men are lateral thinkers. They say what they mean. But when it comes to relationships they get all jumbled up. If your man says that you are special to him then here are some of the possible things that he could be meaning.

He is interested in you seriously

When a man tells you that you are special to him then he is trying to tell you that he is getting serious about you. Since he doesn’t want to come on too strongly he chooses his words carefully so that you both can ease into your relationship.

He wants to take things to the next level

If you have been dating for a while and your man says that he finds you special then he is implying that he wants to take things to the next level with you. He wants to approach the relationship with caution and hence is taking baby steps to let you know how he really feels.

He is letting you know that he cares deeply for you

By telling you that you are special to him your man is letting you know that he cares deeply for you. He says this to make it clear to you that you are not ‘just a friend’ to him but a whole lot more.

He could be trying to create a diversion

Sometimes a man can say that you are special to him just to create a diversion. If he is not sure of how he feels about you and yet feels the need to validate his feelings for you, then he says that you are special to him. It is his way to make you stick around till he is able to figure out what he really feels for you.

He could be shy to tell you that he is falling for you

Some men are shy and cannot find ways of telling their girl how they truly feel about them. Your man too could be falling deeply in love with you but for the lack of courage would settle for saying that you are special to him.

He has finally understood his feelings for you

Sometimes a man takes time to identify his real and true feelings for you. If your man has finally come around to understanding his real feelings for you then he will tell you that you are special to him.

He calls you special to retain his macho image

There are some men who feel that admitting how they really feel makes them less macho. Your man might tell you that you are special to him to let you know of your special place in his life and yet maintain his macho exterior.

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Face ID In iPhone X: What Do iOS App Developers Need To Know?




Apple announced a new and expensive edition of its popular smartphone – iPhone X – in September. The company subsequently made iPhone X available in more than 55 countries and territories. In addition to featuring an edge-to-edge OLED display, iPhone X also comes with a number of out-of-box features to challenge the dominance of Android platform.

At the same time, the special iPhone model also comes with an exclusive facial recognition system – Face ID. Face ID enables users to use their face just like conventional passwords. The facial scanning system enables a user to unlock his iPhone X simply by looking towards the smartphone with his eyes open. He can even use Face ID to keep the data stored on his iPhone X secure and make mobile payments.

However, Face ID in iPhone X takes advantage of another robust hardware feature included in the smartphone – TrueDepth camera. Many analysts believe that Apple will soon make the innovative facial scanning system available to other iPhone and iPad models. Hence, the iOS developers must understand important aspects of Face ID in iPhone X to meet the emerging mobile app development trend.

Important Aspects of Face ID in iPhone X each iOS App Developer Must Know

Replaces Touch ID on iPhone X

Touch ID was an integral part of several iPhone models. The authentication system enables users to unlock their smartphones simply by placing their fingers on the sensor. A user can even use Touch ID to perform various financial transactions and mobile payment. IPhone X is designed with Face ID instead of Touch ID. Unlike Touch ID, Face ID does not require users to touch their smartphones. A user can take advantage of Face ID to unlock his device simply by glancing at the screen. At the same time, the iOS app developers can take advantage of the new facial recognition system simply by replacing the Touch ID code with Face ID code.

Does not make Passcodes Obsolete

Despite replacing Touch ID on iPhone X, Face ID is yet to replace passcodes fully. Apple recommends iPhone X users to use passcodes while restarting the device, the device has remained unlocked for more than 48 hours, and the user has attempted wrong face match five times. Also, a user has to use passcode to make his iPhone X accessible to friends and family members.

Authenticates through TrueDepth Camera

Face ID authenticates users through another new feature provided by iPhone X – TrueDepth camera system. The advanced camera system captures all features of a user’s face through depth mapping. Also, TrueDepth creates a unique facial map by capturing over 30000 invisible dots projected onto a user’s face. Each time a user unlocks his iPhone X, TrueDepth Camera reads the dot patterns through an infrared camera and captures an infrared image. It subsequently sends the infrared image to Secure Enclave in the A11 Bionic chip. Once authenticity of the infrared image is confirmed the iPhone gets unlocked.

Uses Machine Learning

A user’s appearance may differ from time to time. Face ID uses machine learning algorithms to recognize the changes in a user’s appearance. Hence, a user can unlock his iPhone X regardless of his current appearance. He can take advantage of Face ID in iPhone X to unlock and authenticate despite wearing a hat, putting on glasses, and growing a beard. TrueDepth Camera further uses a flood illuminator to identify a user’s face through invisible infrared light when there is inadequate light.

Prevents Unauthorized Device Access

Despite identifying different appearances of the same user, Face ID in iPhone X still does not allow any other persons who unlock the smartphone. While unlocking the iPhone X, a user has to keep his eyes open. If the user’s eyes are closed, the iPhone X will remain unlocked. The feature makes it difficult for unauthorized users to unlock the mobile device when the original user is sleeping or absent. However, Face ID in iPhone X lacks the capability to identify identical twins. A user has to use a passcode additionally to prevent his iPhone X inaccessible to the twin.

No Option to Register Multiple Users

Apple further enhances the security of iPhone X by allowing each user to register a single face. No user has option to register multiple faces. Hence, only one user can unlock and authenticate through the Face ID. However, a user can still make his iPhone X accessible to multiple users by sharing his passcode. Multiple users can access the same iPhone X by performing authentication through passcode instead of Face ID.

Performs Multiple Tasks

In addition to keeping the iPhone X secure, Face ID also improves user experience by performing some basic tasks. The attention-aware nature of the facial recognition system further enables users to perform basic tasks simply by looking towards the iPhone X. For instance, a user can take advantage of Face ID to check messages and notifications, reduce volume of alarm or ringtone, and keep the screen lit while reading.

Facilitates Mobile Payment

Along with enhancing security of iPhone X, Face ID will also facilitate mobile payment. It will work seamlessly with Apple Pay. Also, a user can take advantage of Face ID in iPhone X while shopping at the brick-and-mortar stores and restaurants that support Touch ID payment. Also, the apps that support Touch ID will allow users to take advantage of Face ID. The developers can make their existing iOS apps support Face ID by replacing the Touch ID code with Face ID code. However, many banks and financial institutions are yet to support Face ID fully.

Security and Privacy Issues

Apple implements several security mechanisms to keep facial scan private and secure. After scanning a user’s face, the TrueDepth Camera system stored the information directly in the A11 Bionic chip. Apple further does not transfer the information to its server or cloud. Hence, the facial scanning information remains only on the iPhone X. Apple further uses the facial recognition system as a robust security tool to keep user data inaccessible and prevent unauthorized access. A hacker in Vietnam recently claimed to break Face ID by creating a complex face mask. But several security experts believe that Apple has to make several changes to Face ID in iPhone X to make it an effective security measure.

On the whole, Face ID in iPhone X transforms iOS app development by replacing Touch ID. But the iOS app developers must remember that the facial recognition system is currently used only by a single model of iPhone. Apple will make Face ID available on upcoming versions of iPhone and iPad gradually. Hence, the developers must explore ways to make their existing iOS apps support Face ID. Also, they must adopt the emerging trends in iOS app development to make their mobile app relevant and popular over a longer period of time.

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