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Sunday Bulletin Board: ‘Hey, lady, do you happen to know this giant white dog outside your house, barking to be let in?’

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Sunday Bulletin Board: ‘Hey, lady, do you happen to know this giant white dog outside your house, barking to be let in?’

Know thyself!

And: Our pets, ourselves

GRANDMA ’GINIA writes: “Subject: Generation gap or natural selection?

“As I grow older and wiser, I’ve noticed that I’m living vicariously through my kid and grandkids. It’s not that I am not having any adventures, but they seem to be receding a bit. An example greeted me this morning when I checked my texts, my lifeline to the family.

“My granddaughter Ellie (name changed just in case) sent me the story of what happened last night at her house.

“Ellie and her friend live in a charming home in a northern suburb. They are quite the entrepreneurs, having ownership in several popular fast-food restaurants. That requires her to be gone for long hours for work and meetings. Yesterday was a meeting day.

“Ellie owns two dogs. They couldn’t be more different. Pig is a Pug, the kind of little black dog whose eyes seem to look in two different directions. He is a sassy whirlwind. Pluto is a Great Pyrenees, a fluffy, white, gentle giant who is so large he could be fitted with a saddle. He was a rescue who had been mistreated and starved in his former life, so he seems eternally grateful to be comfortable and loved. He is so big that a tail wag is potentially dangerous.

“Ellie has arranged for a relative to come in during the long work day to take care of doggie breaks. Yesterday at 10:45 p.m., while still in a late meeting, Ellie got a phone call from the local police to tell her that her giant white dog, who is never let out alone, was outside the house, barking to be let in. She hurried home and found out that the dog sitter had thought the house was getting stuffy, so he had opened an upstairs window to let in some fresh air. Pluto had managed to get out of that window and gone exploring. He was giddy with joy to finally be let back in.

“The police had stayed with him and told Ellie that it had been one of the best calls they had gotten in a long time, because they got to play with Pluto till she got home.

“Once again, I got to enjoy an adventure without any stress or exertion. It occurs to me that with Halloween fast approaching, Pluto should be fitted with a white cone on his face, to go trick-or-treating as a unicorn.”

Then & Now

JOHN IN HIGHLAND writes: “Subject: Were the Gophers ever National Champions?

“Not to put any pressure on P.J. Fleck, but it has been quite a few years since Murray Warmath led the Gophers to a National Championship. Remember Sandy Stephens running that option offense? [Bulletin Board says: Indeed, we do. We’re just old enough to remember Stephens handing it off to Judge Dickson and pitching it out to Bill Munsey.]

1632625611 589 Sunday Bulletin Board ‘Hey lady do you happen to know

“This year’s team is very good. Some of us hope to see a return to the Rose Bowl before it’s too late!”

BULLETIN BOARD NOTES: The 1960 season wasn’t the Golden Gophers’ only national championship.

Believe it or not, the University of Minnesota had the national collegiate football champions in 1934, 1935, 1936, 1940 and 1941. They were the Crimson Tide of their time!

This ’n’ that ’n’ the other ’n’ the other

All from KATHY S. of St. Paul: (1) “Subject: Are you really Sven?

“C-SPAN channels show some interesting videos, which may be accessed via their website. Tonight I saw a ‘Lectures in History’ talk by Saje Mathieu, a professor at the University of Minnesota. The topic is ‘Neutrality and World War I America.’ I learned a lot from it.

“One interesting tidbit: The prof mentioned a time in WWI when it became uncomfortable to have a German name here. She said that Minnesota has an improbably high percentage of people who claim Scandinavian rather than German roots — because their ancestor(s) changed their names during World War I.”

(2) “Subject: Quick Reminder re: Visibility.

“On Sunday, I almost hit a woman walking her dog less than a block from my home. I was driving toward the sun at 5 p.m., which reduced my visibility — even though it was not dark yet.

“She was wearing neutral grayish or tannish clothes, and she and her dog blended into the scenery.

“My mind was on maneuvering into my garage, and I didn’t notice her. She crossed the street, assuming that I saw her — but I did not until she was right in front of my car.

“Angels were at work on Sunday. I am grateful for them.”

(3) “Subject: I am the leader.

“RED’S OFFSPRING described lessons learned re: following directions in high school. Which reminded me of a mimeographed gag list of orders that traveled around — including my grade school — circa 1963.

“Number one on the list of instructions said that we were not to carry out any of the instructions until we had read all of them. I immediately read the last instruction — which said not to follow any other order on the list. So I put down my pencil and killed time by reading the list and watching my classmates ‘follow’ the orders.

“But my younger sister (third or fourth grade?) got swept up in the tasks. Halfway through it she read that, if she was the first one to get that far, she was to stand up and announce that she was the leader in following instructions. And she did — as her teacher laughed and turned red.

“Of course, ‘I am the leader in following instructions’ became a buzzword among those who took the bogus test. To this day, I sometimes explain the phrase to younger folks. And warn them about blindly following orders.”

(4) “Subject: A thought from long ago.

‘Tonight I told friends about a long-ago posting in the Bulletin Board. A woman took a jar outside on a perfect summer day to capture air from it. She closed it and labeled it with data that day, then set it on a shelf in her kitchen so she could see it in the depths of winter — and know that she could always open it.

“We’re heading into fall and winter now, but we’re only partly back to ‘normal’ from COVID. Which is worrisome.

“Maybe everyone should fill jars with air from perfect days, in case we need to borrow some joy.”

BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: The woman who wrote about her jar of perfect-day air was GRANDMA UP NORTH.

She called the Bulletin Board Hot Line (one of many times she called) on Sunday, October 24, 1993. We transcribed her call (we can still hear her voice) and ran it in the Bulletin Board of October 28, 1993, under the heading “Saving the day”:

“We’ve had a weekend that has been, honestly, a miracle — because we live in the North Country, as you know, and to have a weekend like this is so spectacular, so incredibly undeserved. It has been just absolutely marvelous.

“A friend and I were talking this weekend, and she said, ‘Gee, I wish we could bottle it. Put in in a jar.’

“And I thought: Why not? So I cleaned out a jar, the cap and everything, and went out in the back yard. Twirled around three times, to get the air in there really good, and then clamped it shut. I wrote on it: ‘This jar contains beautiful air from a perfect day, Oct. 24, 1993.’

“I told my friend Pat about it, and she said she’d like a jar, too. She said it just in time, because the sun was declining. I rushed out and caught it just in time . . . .

“So this very dark and dreary winter, she’ll be able to take the jar out and look at it, and it will say: ‘Contents: 65 degrees, sunny sky, no wind, perfect.’ I think that’s pretty good.

“And not only that, there’s only two jars in existence.”

Some time later, Grandma Up North’s jar came our way.

1632625611 602 Sunday Bulletin Board ‘Hey lady do you happen to know

1632625611 376 Sunday Bulletin Board ‘Hey lady do you happen to know

In case you wonder: No, we have never opened it. GRANDMA UP NORTH’S perfect day has been perfectly preserved.

May she rest in peace.

Live and learn

BIG EEK of Southeast Minneapolis: “When I was a prospective high-school teacher, the college arranged for each of us to spend two weeks in a nearby small town at the end of spring term, to get some practical experience. Another fellow and I went to W., 80 miles east of the city. As a math major, I shadowed Mr. B., who taught all the math in the school on the outskirts of town. I watched him at his job, and he assigned me lessons to prepare and teach.

“On Thursday, he rushed up to me before his first-period Algebra class. He had given the students all the odd-numbered problems in the new textbook they were using, to do for homework. Number 17 was a monster. It was full of parentheses within square brackets within curlicues. I advised him to start in the middle and work his way out from there.

“Sure enough, the captain of the football team asked him how to do Number 17. Mr. B. put the problem on the blackboard and started in on it. Halfway through, he glanced at me at the back of the room, and I gave him a slight nod. His final answer was 32. Answers to the odd numbers were given in the back of the book.

“Mr. B. pointed to the football player and asked him what the answer was in the back of the book. ‘Thirty-two,’ said the football player. ‘See,’ Mr. B said confidently to the class, ‘you just start in the middle and work your way to the outside.’

“At noon, Mr. B thanked me and treated me to lunch at the school cafeteria. After school, I was walking to my room in the middle of town. Three of the 12th-grade girls walked along with me. The only three options for lunch were to bring a bag, or eat at the Chinese restaurant in town (every town had a Chinese restaurant) or the cafeteria.

“One of the girls asked me where I had eaten. ‘At the cafeteria,’ I said. ‘Ugh,’ she said, making a face. ‘You must have a death wish.’ Lunch had been something I had never eaten before, or since. I think it was called Shepherd’s Pie. It was . . . interesting.”

Everyone’s a (restaurant) critic!

THE DORYMAN of Prescott, Wis.: “Subject: Restau-rant review (channeling Andy Rooney).

“I like a good sandwich. I have several favorites. A Reuben with grated horseradish is probably number one, and egg salad is not too far behind. I get Patty Melts when I can, and Philly Cheesesteaks are always welcome. While a delicious sandwich is a first choice ‘lunch-out’ menu choice for me, I am always wary of the physical demands that usually follow that selection. Apparently if it is composed (and shaped) smaller than a properly inflated, regulation, bisected, NFL football, most restaurants think I will be disappointed. The bread, on the other hand (pun intended), is glowingly described in the menu but rather inconsequential when delivered. Any exotic taste, texture or artisan preparation is usually lost on the bottom slice because of the ‘fall-apart’ sauce for my added enjoyment. If you even attempt to pick it up (which I always think is the whole point of the thing), it takes both hands, and if it holds together during elevation, the first bite usually distributes the fillings everywhere but in your mouth. Am I the only one (ahem, BB) who would willingly pay $14 for a sandwich that has the good old-fashioned, sensible, fit-in-your-mouth ingredients ‘sandwiched’ (get it, Chef?) between two slices of good old-fashioned unsoaked bread . . . and not leave $4 worth of groceries on the table and my shirt? Plus, I don’t want to take the other half home; I had it for lunch! A first-world problem, I know, but hey, I loved my mother’s sandwiches, where less was always more.”

This ’n’ that ’n’ the other ’n’ the other ’n’ the other

All from AL B of Hartland: (1) “As a tour leader, I took many group photos. There are the magic words, words with weight, used to make one smile: I’d say ‘Prunes,’ ‘Say cheese,’ ‘Smile,’ ‘Smile, you’re on “Candid Camera,”‘ ‘Whiskey,’ ‘Lottery winners,’ ‘Cabbageheads’ and ‘Duck snort.’ A duck snort is a softly hit ball that goes over the infield and lands in the outfield for a hit. Chicago White Sox announcer Ken ‘Hawk’ Harrelson popularized the term.”

(2) “A bug zapper participates in an indiscriminate slaughter of insects, many of them beneficial. A University of Delaware study found that 0.22 percent of the kills were biting insects. Research showed that your chances of being bitten by a mosquito increase when you are near a bug zapper. The light is attractive, and so are you.”

(3) “My wife and I walked the county fair. We strolled by the onion-rings stand. We knew from experience those rings were tasty. Their aroma was inviting. ‘Those onion rings smell great,’ said my wife. I love my wife, so we walked past the stand again.”

(4) “This is the time of the year when I think of family reunions. I remember when I had a full roster of aunts. We had a pie table at reunions in those years. Woe be to anyone who brought a store-bought pie. Those good women believed in being fruitful and multi-pied.”

(5) “I’ve learned . . . the inventor of the doorbell didn’t own a Chihuahua.”

Band Name of the Day: The Bug Zappers

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Jets owner Woody Johnson still has confidence in Joe Douglas, Robert Saleh

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Jets owner Woody Johnson still has confidence in Joe Douglas, Robert Saleh

NEW YORK — Despite the Patriots’ 54-13 obliteration of the Jets in Week 7, Jets owner Woody Johnson still believes in the organization’s new infrastructure.

“I have unwavering, steadfast confidence in Joe [Douglas], Robert [Saleh] and the coaching staff,” Johnson said Tuesday. “I’ve been around for going on 22 years, with my little absence that I had recently, and this is a good group. So we will get it right.”

Johnson — who returned to helm his struggling football team earlier this year after four seasons away while serving as President Trump’s ambassador to the United Kingdom — spoke to the media at the start of the NFL owners’ meetings in Manhattan.

Johnson labeled the beatdown from their arch-rival last weekend “frustrating,” but said his focus has turned to the red-hot Cincinnati Bengals (5-2) who crushed the Baltimore Ravens, 41-17, in Week 7 and are tied for the best record in the AFC. The Jets are 1-5 under Saleh, who was hired while Woody’s brother Christopher was still running Gang Green and is a first-time head coach. Douglas was hired in June 2019.

In the two seasons with Adam Gase as head coach the Jets started 1-8 (2019) and 0-13 (2020). But regardless of which Johnson is running the show, the Jets have been one of the worst-run franchises in the league and have the longest active playoff drought (10 seasons and counting).

The Jets’ latest embarrassing start is due to another inept offense and struggling defense. They rank in the bottom five in scoring offense and points allowed. Their offense hasn’t scored a point in the first quarter through six games.

But Johnson still believes in the direction of the long-term plan.

Why?

“Just talking to the leadership with Joe and Robert, talking to them and seeing how their plans are put together, how they’re deep thinkers,” Johnson said. “I think they want to do things like establish a culture and they’re getting the right players in the right positions.”

Johnson might have complete faith in this leadership team, but he might be one of the few.

Ex-Jets coach Rex Ryan — who led Gang Green to back-to-back conference title games at the start of his tenure with the team — blasted Saleh after the loss.

“A complete embarrassment for Robert Saleh and his coaching staff,” Ryan, now an ESPN analyst, said Monday on “Get Up!” “By the way, guys, here’s the scary thing — they’re coming off a bye, a bye! … There’s no passion.”

“You saw a team that knows what the hell they’re doing, the coaching staff with a rookie quarterback, the New England Patriots. That kid [Mac Jones] looks like a seasoned pro. You look at the other side, you’ve got a horrendous coaching staff with a quarterback [Zach Wilson] that looks 100 percent lost.”

There’s no question the shiny new toy hasn’t played well during his rookie year. The first-year quarterback has thrown for 1,168 yards with four touchdowns and nine interceptions while completing just 57% of his passes. It’s not all on the former BYU star, though. There have been offensive inconsistencies across the board from shaky offensive line play to an invisible running game to underperforming weapons.

And to add injury to insult, Wilson suffered a sprained PCL in the second quarter of Sunday’s loss in Foxborough that will likely sideline him between two to four weeks. But Johnson claimed he has zero concerns about the No. 2 overall pick.

“It’s a very young team with a young quarterback. He’s 22 years old. He just turned 22,” Johnson said. “So he’s seeing things for the first time. Like a lot of the young quarterbacks. It’s gonna take him a little bit of time but I have a lot of confidence in Zach, too.”

Wilson’s injury prompted the Jets to trade a conditional sixth-round pick to the Eagles for Joe Flacco on Monday because their only backup QB was Mike White, who saw his first NFL game action when Wilson went down on Sunday.

The Jets don’t look much different than how they did in 2020 — or for much of the last decade — but at least the boss seems to have an abundance of confidence in Wilson, Saleh and Douglas to get Gang Green in the right direction.

©2021 New York Daily News. Visit nydailynews.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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Retired Patriots safety Patrick Chung arrested for domestic violence in Massachusetts

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50 Colo. Time dealers, Wells are auto fame inductees

Oct. 26—Three-time Super Bowl champion and recently retired Patriots safety Patrick Chung has pleaded not guilty to domestic violence and vandalism charges out of Milton.

The onetime fan favorite was hauled into Quincy District Court Tuesday for the charges against “a family member/household member” and vandalism. Milton Police, records state, arrested him Monday.

He’s accused of allegedly assaulting the mother of one of his children, records state.

Prosecutors asked for $10,000 cash bail and terms that he would not have contact with the victim, according to a spokesperson for Norfolk District Attorney Michael Morrissey. Chung was released on $10,000 personal surety and a restraining order.

The victim’s name has not been released.

In May 2020, Chung signed a two-year contract extension with a $3 million signing bonus to play safety for the Patriots through 2023. He opted out of the 2020-21 season, citing COVID-19 concerns. In March 2021, the 34-year-old announced his retirement after 11 seasons in the NFL and three Super Bowl wins with the Patriots.

“I’m in tears writing this but I’ve decided to hang up the cleats. Bill, Mr. Kraft, thank you for giving me the opportunity to play for your team for 11 years. I love you. Bill, for teaching me life on and off the field, (I) will not forget that,” he said in part on social media when he retired.

Chung spent several seasons with the Patriots, playing in Foxboro from 2009 to 2012, and again from 2014 until his career’s end. Teammates voted him a captain in 2018. He was part of three Super Bowl-winning teams and was named to the New England Patriots 2010s “All-Decade” team.

This isn’t Chung’s first run-in with local authorities. In 2019, Chung faced a felony charge of cocaine possession after drugs were allegedly found in his home in Meredith, New Hampshire. That charge was dismissed in January 2020, on terms that he would remain on good behavior for two years.

Chung is due back in court on Jan. 7 for a pretrial conference.

On Monday, the day of his arrest, Chung posted the message, “Best day of my life,” from his personal Twitter account. He didn’t explain why.

(c)2021 the Boston Herald Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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3 keys to a Giants win over the Panthers in Week 7

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50 Colo. Time dealers, Wells are auto fame inductees

1) RUN THE BALL EFFECTIVELY

The best way to protect a bad offensive line is to run the ball well. Daniel Jones’ legs will be important to controlling this game for the Giants. So will downhill backs Devontae Booker and Eli Penny.

2) DON’T TURN IT OVER

Sam Darnold and the Panthers offense have struggled and turned the ball over without top back Christian McCaffrey. Jones can’t turn the ball over and give Darnold short fields like he did with four giveaways to the Rams.

3) STOP THE RUN

The Giants run defense is giving up 137.2 yards per game, fourth worst in the NFL. Panthers coach Matt Rhule publicly said he wants to recommit to the ground game and run it 30-35 times. The Giants view that as a direct challenge. Stopping that may decide the game.

©2021 New York Daily News. Visit nydailynews.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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