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Does It Ever Stop Hurting?



When we are feeling overwhelmed and consumed by the inconsolable pain of our grief, we often wonder, is this going to be my life forever? Will the pain ever go away?

If grief has slammed into our life in a fury we are knocked down, broken and shattered, gasping for breath in a fog of shock, numbness and confusion. The pain becomes relentless and all consuming. The intensity and constancy of it staggers us and frightens us and we feel we will never be whole again.

In the early days of my own grief I was stunned by the fury of my pain, the agony I had to endure each and every minute. It floored me and I was terrified. I was terrified by the force of it. I was terrified by my frailty. I was terrified that this agony, this brokenness would be my life forever.

I went minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day…seeking, wondering, asking. When does it get better? How long does it last? How did you survive? Screaming, when will the pain go away?

I started measuring my struggle by my tears or lack of them and what was happening each day. I only cried twice today. I haven’t cried for a day. When it got to two days, I celebrated. The tears lasted thirty minutes instead of two hours. Amidst my tears and the tatters of my heart I started looking for moments of comfort, and moments of hope. I searched for stories of survival and gulped in the inspiration I found. I wanted anything that would bring a shard of light into the darkness of my life. Day by day ease came in the tiniest of increments and the pieces of my life once shattered forever started coming together again into moments of pleasure, joy and happiness.

Those tears, those moments, those tiniest of increments became my markers; the guideposts that helped me understand and notice my grief and my healing a little better. I saw where I was in my day and in my life. I noticed when my feelings came, how powerful they were and how long they lasted. I also learnt that my grief would never be a straight line from A-B, over finished with, recovered and happy again. It became to me an ever evolving spiral which forms part of who I am now.

If I am around the outer part of the spiral the pleasurable moments in my life are merged and more than the painful moments.

I keep the memory and presence of my son uppermost in my day.

I take time to nurture myself.

I spend time with the people that matter most to me.

I purposefully find something each day to appreciate and enjoy.

If I am moving towards the centre of my spiral the painful moments in my life are merged and more than the pleasurable moments:

I miss my son so much I ache with a longing for which there is no ease.

I spend every single moment wishing for the past, wishing for the magic eraser to take it all away.

The flashbacks are on constant replay yet again.

I can’t get out of bed and want to curl up and die myself.

Depending on where I am on my spiral these moments can be like waves gently lapping at the shoreline, or waves that pound me into the ground. Fleeting as in the wake of a passing boat or a storm that lasts for hours or days and I’m crushed again in that moment. Sometimes I can see the storm in the distance building slowly. Other times it slams into me like a bolt out of the blue. I’ve become used to those waves. Acceptance always hard gently comes and thankfully now this happens less and less.

As with my tears, my spiral and the ocean help me to know myself better. The spiral shows how my grief is rumbling through my life gently or forcibly and how powerful it is in my life at any given moment. It tells me where I am and it is a part of who I am. I don’t have to get over my grief, put it away or pack it up. I recognise the duality that will always remain. The ache and the ease. The rage and the calm. The better, the worse. The sad, the happy. The pain and the pleasure.

The loss of my son will shape and mould me for the rest of my life, my grief will spin and I will move in the spiral of its unique rhythms forever.

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The Law of Attraction – When I Reach For Joy, All Else Follows




Joy is the vibration of source energy. It is the energy frequency that creates worlds. When we are in joy, everything else comes forth into our experience that we have been asking for.  This is the nature of the law of attraction.

To find a way to each and every day reach for the high feeling emotion of joy would be a way to have the most abundant life you could ever imagine. The universe is abundant in all ways.  All that we ask for is given, when we are in the vibrational frequency of joy.

People often think that it takes hard work and struggle to get what one wants in life. Nothing is farther from the truth.  Life is suppose to be fun and effortless.  When it feels like a struggle, that is a clue to us that we are going in the wrong direction to what we are wanting.  There are so many people out there working so hard, never relaxing, never taking a break or feeling like they can play.

This is not the way towards what you want. Imagine your way to whatever you want. FEEL your way to what you want.  Live each day with your emotions front and center as your guide. Oh this feels good and this feels good and this is what feels good now. Always reaching for that which feels good. 

For many people this would feel so strange at first because it is not their usual practice but it could be. Wouldn’t it be nice to have more fun? Wouldn’t it be nice to just be able to relax? Wouldn’t it be nice to feel so worthy of a joyful life that you just expected it and it was? 

Take some time each and every day to increase those things that bring you joy.  Do not wait for when you retire or when the weekend comes, do it today.  And then tomorrow increase that time, give yourself more time to do joyful things.  And then the next day continue increasing your joyful experience.  Within 30 days you will find a life experience that is very different than you are living right now.

Trust me on this. This feeling universe that is governed by the law of attraction responds to how you feel and when you feel happy and joyful, it is a glorious ride.

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What are Seduction Lairs?




Are you familiar with Seduction Lairs and how to use them

to your advantage?

They are around purely for your benefit if you wish to get better with women. If you want to get better with women it

will help you if you find other individuals who share the same goals to keep you motivated and learn from. They are a great resource if you take advantage of them.

What you really want to do if join a local lair and find others who are good with women. Copy their beliefs, mentality and attitude and you will have the sameoutcome that they have.

You can also learn about all the major seduction methods in the lairs as the majority of them are open to just about anything that works.

If you do not live anywhere near a city that has a local lair why don’t you start


Go to and start a group of your own. Yeah you might not have that much skill yet but if you are actively searching for others and trying to help you will be surprised how quickly you can find some new friends.

Robert Torrey who works with Fidentia has run the local San Diego lair. He also has a group in Yahoo where all the presidents of local lairs hang out to discuss running a lair politics giving each other advice on what is best

for their group.

If you are thinking of starting a lair go here

RunningaPUAgroup-subscribe at yahoogroups dot com

Send Robert Torrey aka Nightlife an email at nightlife858 at yahoo dot com that you want to start a lair and would like to join the above group. Than add your info to the database on the group. There are many suggestions in older threads

of how to find members.

If you join any lair please let them know you found out about them through Fidentia.

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How Many Calories a Day Should You Have While Dieting? Lose Weight in a Diet




Most health experts recommend slow weight loss program. It is safer and more effective compared to quick-fix claims of most diet plans. A sensible diet would allow a person to lose weight in a gradual manner. One-half to one-pound-a-week loss is seen as healthy and safe. Aside from that, it promotes a long-term benefit where you lose some pounds and keep it off for a long time.

Most people who are living a busy life but still manage to be active on a moderate level – meaning they can afford to exercise at least a few minutes a day – needs about 15 calories per pound just to maintain an ideal weight. Taking a 150-pound person as an example, he would need to eat foods that would not exceed 2,250 calories daily so he does not gain fat.

If you want to lose weight, the rule of thumb is you need to burn 3,500 cal more than what you consume. The result would be you would lose one pound a week. When you reduce your intake to 300 cal daily and exercise to lose 200 cal more, then you would definitely lose a pound per week or even more. However, remember that though you are limiting your calorie intake, you still have to provide the nutrients your body needs. The key here is a diet with a variety of foods daily. Low fat meals would be your best bet.

Success in losing weight also calls for reducing the fat that you eat. Fat in your diet should be less than the total calories you take daily; limit it to 30% and it would greatly help you shed of weight in no time. Also, bear in mind that you get better results when you pair a good diet with exercise.

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