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When Do Men Change Their Mind About a Divorce?

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Probably sixty percent of the emails that I get are from wives who are facing the reality of a divorce.  Almost all of them want to save their marriages and aren’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. They want to know: if their husbands can change their minds and reconsider about a divorce; how they can make this happen; and when this change might occur. I’ll answer these questions in the following article.

You Can’t Make Or Force Him To Stop The Divorce, But You Can Contribute To His Wanting To: So many wives approach this as a battle.  The emails that I get ask for tips to “make him” or “get him to” change his mind.  This wording alone implies that you’re trying to strong arm or trick this man into doing something that he just doesn’t want to do –  almost like he’ll be kicking and screaming all the way back, but will be reluctantly coming back just the same. Is this really what you want?

Of course not. You’re going to have a much higher degree of success and satisfaction if you are able to come to place where you’re equally committed and willing to save the marriage.  You want him to want to be there as much as you want him there.  And, you aren’t likely to reach this if you come at him as an adversary or you take a combative stance.

In fact, you almost want to do the opposite.  You want him to think that you’re committed to his happiness and to helping him get what he wants (even though we both know that this is going to lead to YOU getting what you want.)

Ignore The Divorce For Now And Concentrate On Day By Day: The truth is, so many women act badly and desperately with the threat of divorce on the horizon.  This little word elicits panic, fear, and desperation — all very negative emotions that can cause you to do or say things that you’re very much likely to regret later.  We take to bombarding him with questions and accusations.  We try to make him feel guilty.  Or, we’re just so nasty because we want to lash out at him so that he’s hurt every bit as much as we are.  But, all of these things only dig you a deeper hole and get your further away from your true goal.

So, while it may be difficult at first, I want for you to put the divorce out of your mind.  You will function much higher and be much more convincing when you don’t have this threat breathing down your neck. Vow, at least for the next couple of months, to take things day by day.  Divorces take time to become final. You likely have more time than you think, and counting down the days are only going to cause you to react in negative ways.  Right now, we’re going to take things day by day, conduct ourselves with dignity and grace, and focus just on ending our time with the husband on a positive note.  Yes, these are small victories.  But, small victories eventually build upon themselves until you’ve created a new reality.

Know That Your Husband Will Change His Mind About The Divorce When You Show Him That Things Really Can Change In Your Marriage:  OK, here’s the short answer.  I have a little bit of insight into men who have initiated a divorce.  Many of them write to me and share what they are feeling.  Almost all of them tell me that the divorce is a reality because they just feel that things can not and will not change.  They share that they feel more like a brother or room mate to their wives.  They feel that their wife just does not make the time for them anymore – that she cares more about the kids, her career, her parents, and her family.  They tell me that there’s no longer laughter, intimacy, or a feeling of connection.  And, they tell me that this has been going on for so long and that they’ve tried repeatedly to fix it – and now, they are quite sure that it won’t change and there’s no way to rescue it.

At the end of the day, the core of a divorce is usually a lack of connection and intimacy.  Because when two people are feeling this, they can usually weather any marital storm. So, if you want to change your man’s mind about a divorce, then you need to focus on restoring these things and showing your husband with your actions – not your words, that you can be successful with this.

This probably seems like a tall order when you aren’t living together or you at least don’t have access to him.  This is where coming at him from a place of partnership comes in.  It’s important to communicate with him that you agree that the marriage is broken and that you both deserve better.  Explain that he’s too important to you to let things deteriorate this way.  So, you’re going to focus on what you can – coming out of this in a way that you can be proud of.  He may be hesitant at first, but as you conduct yourself this way, he will eventually warm up somewhat.

When he does, it’s so important that you put your best self out there.  Listen intently.  Lean in when he talks.  Stress that you are on his side and have his back.  Because truly, you are already the person who can turn your husband’s eye and possess his heart.  You’re already done it once.  But, somehow, someway, the stresses of every day life took a little of the shine off of this woman.  Now, it’s time to get her back and reclaim her.  Because she is who your husband really wants.  And once she returns, and you come at him from a place of partner ship (and move slowly), everything else should fall into place.

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Greyhound Racing: What The Coloured Jackets Mean

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The typical greyhound race in the UK consists of six dogs. Each dog is identified by the coloured jacket it wears for the race. The colour signifies its starting position – in other words the trap number it races from – and helps you to identify the dogs as they are racing. The colours are standard so it helps to become familiar with them for your night at the greyhounds. Let’s take a run through them.

The red jacked is always worn by the dog starting from trap one. This is the starting position closest to the inside rail. Such animals generally have a preference for running along the inside of the track and are known to race goers as “railers.” A railer typically requires a good burst of early speed to hold its position in to the first corner and not get baulked by the opposition.

The blue jacket is always worn by the dog starting from trap two. This trap is also generally favoured by railers with such dogs seeking to get over to the rail in front of the greyhound in trap one.

The white jacket is always worn by the animal starting from trap three and the black jacket is always worn by the greyhound staring from trip four. Such starting positions are generally favoured by greyhounds who have a natural preference for running along the middle of the track as signified by the (M) notation next to their name in the race card.

The orange jacket is always worn by the greyhound starting from trap five and the black and white striped jacket by the greyhound starting from trap six. Such staring positions are generally favoured by greyhounds who have a natural preference for running towards the wide outside of the track as signified by the (W) notation next to their name in the race card. A potential advantage of wide running is that the frequent first turn scrimmaging can be avoided.

Trap position does make a difference and should be taken in to account when looking for betting opportunities. A greyhound running out of position can be harmful to its chances though usually for graded races trap preference is taken in to account by the racing manager and a wide runner will not be placed in to an inside trap and vice-versa.

This is to avoid trouble in running. For example if a greyhound which is normally a wide runner was to be placed in trap one its natural instinct would be to seek the outside rail and move right out of the traps. This could cause interference with other dogs in the race.

It can be a fun night out and need not break the bank as entry is not expensive. Many race goers like to enjoy a meal as they watch the racing from the comfort of the restaurant. A few minutes familiarising yourself with the different coloured jackets, the starting position and if your chosen greyhound has a noted preference for trap position can aid your enjoyment when going for a night at the greyhound racing.

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How Do YOU Measure Success

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It was in January of 1962 when Barnsley P. Wentworth III told his father that he wasn’t going to be a doctor: he was going to be a clown. Without hesitating his father replied, “Then you will never amount to anything. Consider yourself a failure.” That was the moment Barnsley P. Wentworth III fell from his father’s grace, changed his name to Juggles, and became a clown. It was his greatest joy. It was his greatest passion. And he never made more than $50 a job.

It was a hot afternoon in July and Juggles was driving back to his hotel after working all day at a county fair, when he took a wrong turn into a trailer park and saw the mailbox covered in balloons – the calling card of a child’s birthday party. He sat there for a moment, looked at his watch, shook his head, sighed, and grinned from ear to ear as he put his rubber nose back on and jumped out of the car. He saw a little red head peeking through the flowered sheet curtain followed by piercing squeals as the door burst open and children rushed at him like excited puppies finding food. He would never forget that sound or the shocked look on the mother’s face as she whispered thank you and started to believe again. Or the sheer adoration on the birthday boy’s face as Juggles signed his cast and he solemnly vowed to never wash his arm again as he hugged Juggles’ striped leg and that moment was branded into his memory as he whispered thank you and started to believe again.

Juggles never stopped being a clown. Day in and day out. It stayed his dream and remained his passion. Even when his hair fell out and he was too weak to honk his nose – even from his bed, when what little fans that were left had to come to him. It was March of 1998 when Juggles died, wearing a big red nose and a contented smile. He never made more than $50 a job.

How do you measure success?

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When Do Interns Have to Be Paid? Revised FLSA Test May Create New Unpaid Internship Opportunities

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Did you know that the Department of Labor recently changed the test used to determine whether interns are employees under the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA)? Though mostly overlooked, this development may significantly affect the manner in which employers provide internship opportunities. It may also encourage other employers to start their own internship programs.

In January 2018, the Department of Labor clarified that going forward, a “primary beneficiary” test will be used to determine whether interns are employees of “for profit” employers under the FLSA. Why is this a big deal? The FLSA’s minimum wage and overtime pay requirements generally apply to employees, not interns.

Educators and employers alike agree that individuals can benefit greatly from properly designed unpaid internship programs. Unfortunately, since interns are not entitled to compensation under the FLSA, they may be exploited by employers who use their free labor without providing with an appreciable benefit in education or experience. The DOL began issuing informal guidance to prevent this kind of abuse in the late 1960s.

In 2010, the DOL published a 6-factor test to distinguish between interns that don’t need to be paid under the FLSA and employees that do. One factor in particular proved to be a nearly insurmountable obstacle. “The employer that provides the training derives no immediate advantage from the activities of the intern; and on occasion its operations may actually be impeded.”

Since all six factors had to apply, many believed this test was too rigid, including some federal appellate courts. These courts instead opted to apply a “primary beneficiary” test that:

  • focuses on what interns receive in exchange for their work;
  • gives courts the flexibility to examine the economic reality of the intern/employer relationship; and
  • acknowledges the uniqueness of internships in that interns agree to perform work in exchange for educational or vocational benefits.

In January 2018, the DOL essentially adopted this “primary beneficiary” test to eliminate unnecessary confusion and provide increased flexibility to holistically analyze internships on a case-by-case basis. This test includes seven factors to consider when determining whether an intern is actually an employee under the FLSA.

  1. Expectation of Compensation. The extent to which the intern and the employer clearly understand that there is no expectation of compensation. Any promise of compensation, express or implied, suggests that the intern is an employee-and vice versa.
  2. Training. The extent to which the internship provides training that would be similar to that which would be given in an educational environment, including clinical and other hands-on training provided by educational institutions.
  3. Education. The extent to which the internship is tied to the intern’s formal education program by integrated coursework or the receipt of academic credit.
  4. Academics. The extent to which the internship accommodates the intern’s academic commitments by corresponding to the academic calendar.
  5. Duration. The extent to which the internship’s duration is limited to the period in which the internship provides the intern with beneficial learning.
  6. Displacement. The extent to which the intern’s work complements, rather than displaces, the work of paid employees while providing significant educational benefits to the intern.
  7. Promise of Employment. The extent to which the intern and the employer understand that the internship is conducted without entitlement to a paid job at the conclusion of the internship.

Unlike the rigid six-factor test, the primary beneficiary test is intended to be flexible. No single factor is determinative and additional factors may also be considered on a case-by-case basis when appropriate.

The FLSA’s “internship exclusion” was quite narrow under the old six-factor test. Whether this changes under the new primary beneficiary test remains to be seen. Nevertheless, employers should proceed cautiously when evaluating and determining whether someone can be treated as intern under the FLSA, rather than an employee.

The risk of employment-related claims goes up whenever laws and regulations change. Employment Practices Liability Insurance, which may include limited wage and hour coverage, can protect employers in the event of an inadvertent violation.

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