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Divorce Recovery "Mindset Choice" No. 1: What Do You Mean the "Hard Work Is Just Beginning?"



Active or Passive: What will You Choose?

After the divorce is final, you are at the proverbial “Y in the road.” Cheesy as that phrase might be, it is accurate in describing the basic mindset choice everyone who gets divorced must make: (1) Should I take a passive role in my recovery, roll with the punches, and let time heal the hurt? Or, (2) should I take an active role and work through all the roadblocks and issues that are preventing me from finding contentment in my life after divorce?

It is not easy to choose the healthy and happy path for your life after divorce. But the passive alternative, though easy to make, will bring you a lifetime of unmet expectations and regret. The choice is yours to make. What will it be?

Our Culture Tells You to Be Passive

The dictates of our culture are passed down to us primarily by our family, friends, loved ones, teachers, coaches, religious leaders, TV, and movies. The consistent message we get tells us to take the passive route since there is nothing you can do to heal the pain except let enough time pass.

My sister-in-law took the passive route. Several years before I me her, she got divorced. Her husband had had a very public affair with a friend of my sister-in-law. She was mortified. Every time her ex was mentioned in casual conversation, she always had something cynical or critical to say about him. She wouldn’t let it go. She never had another long-term, committed relationship. Twenty-five years later she died of cancer. If time were to heal her hurt, certainly 25 years should have been enough. It wasn’t.

The time-honored prescription of passively doing nothing and letting time heal the trauma doesn’t work. The trauma just settles deeper and deeper within us and then leaks out sideways when something happens that triggers the pain and fear from the past.

The Alternative Path: Be an Active Participant in Your Recovery

Thanksgiving dinner does not magically materialize on the dining table ready to be served. A lot of time and work go into the preparation of the traditional autumn feast.

Likewise, a successful divorce recovery requires time, work, and preparation in order to attack and dissolve your reluctance to let go of the pain of the divorce and the attachments to how life used to be.

This reluctance is mainly emotion-based resistance to change.

Emotion-based resistance can arise from several sources. For example, fear, loss, grief, anger, resentment, crashed self-confidence and esteem, shame, embarrassment, failure, dashed dreams, and vanished hope are but a few of the issues prohibiting you from having a satisfying life after divorce. These problems will not magically resolve and go away by themselves.

Therefore, you need a plan of attack designed to dissolve each source of resistance. What works with this type of resistance to change initially is empathy followed by a structured way to confront the fear of an unknown future, identify actual losses suffered, and then dissolve away the distress over what was actually lost. Depending upon time alone to achieve this is folly.

What “Active” Choices Do You Have?

Two common ways people take action to address these issues are divorce support groups and therapy. While both are better than the passive choice to let time heal everything, neither support groups nor therapy provide the targeted resistance-dissolving action needed.

A better active choice is to tailor your work to the specific “roadblocks” caused by divorce that you must deal with. This can be done by working with a divorce recovery coach.

So, What’s the Point?

Passive is easy. Active is hard.

However, if you want to recover from your divorce and the trauma it caused, you must take positive action to solve the specific problems caused by your divorce. These problems will not solve themselves. You must take control of your future by actively dealing with the current damage your divorce has caused.

The alternative? Run the risk of waiting 25 years for them to “fix themselves” and ending up wasting the rest of your life like my sister-in-law did.

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How Do You Produce Original Articles?




By now, you understand the importance of originality in article writing. As a student, you’ve probably been informed of the consequences of plagiarism and how it is wrong to copy off of others without giving credit to the original author. But original article writing is different where you should refrain from using material already present in another article. This is so that your viewpoints can come across as authentic and so that you can establish credibility as an author. But how can you develop original viewpoints and information?

#1: Look For Inspirations, Both From Your Personal Life And Professional Life

Often the best viewpoints are those that are inspired by your own life experiences, whether they be personal or professional. To give a good example, I wrote an article about how heart and soul are important in a business’s success. My inspiration for that article came from helping my sister put together candy lei’s for my nephew’s birthday party. As I was putting the lei’s together, I felt a fullness inside my soul. That became my inspiration for writing about why success is more than just about sales and production.

Inspirations come from many places. You might look at a current article and want to expand on a certain point that someone touched on earlier. Something may happen to you that gives you something to write about. Sometimes, it may just come to you in the middle of the night. What is important is that you find that inspiration because it will help you produce original articles.

#2: Even If You Use An Already Taken Viewpoint, Your Explanation Of It Can Be Original

Often times, it’s not the viewpoints, but the explanation itself that may be of intrigue to the reader. For example, if you are writing about different aspects of search engine optimization, and you are writing about not buying backlinks, you could do more than offer a simple explanation of why this practice doesn’t work. You could tell a story about someone you know who was caught doing this or take some time and talk about what has happened to those who were caught. Even if it well accepted among the SEO community that purchasing backlinks is bad practice, readers would be intrigued to hear your story since it is your personal story about someone who did this practice and/or was caught for it.

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How Do You Leverage Customer Service?




Excellent customer service is a fundamental aspect of the daily operations of any company that wants to grow. Today, dissatisfied customers can use social media to vent their frustrations about a poor customer service experience.

A satisfied client will return and they’ll refer your business to family, friends and strangers alike. So it’s the duty of customer support agents to offer a positive customer experience.

An effective customer service system provides multiple channels for consumers to contact your business and get their needs met. Understanding your client base will help you know which of the following customer service channels you can leverage to create customer loyalty and grow your business.

1. Self-Service Knowledge Base

Some clients are comfortable getting their queries answered by searching through a self-service knowledge base. These clients want to have easy access to information and a quick answer to their questions. Having a well-organized knowledge base with rich descriptions, images, videos, and instructions makes sure they get their answers immediately. This channel is good for your company because it doesn’t need a lot of investment.

A knowledge base helps customers to access general information, but it may lack information that addresses unique situations. Keep information up to date as the business policies and procedures evolve. Regardless of these concerns, a well-conceived knowledge base makes sure your customer support staff have time to address customer concerns which the knowledge base can’t handle.

2. Social Media Support

Today, most businesses have a social media presence. And customers nowadays use a business’s social media account to get the product- and service-related information, to ask questions, and to complain. These accounts need a committed social media manager to address your customer’s concerns.

Customers use social media to complain about poor experiences they’ve had with a product or service. But you can turn this into a positive for both your business and your customers by addressing their issues with diplomacy and honesty. This will help them see you care about them and you’re willing to resolve their issues.

3. Live Chat Support

Live chat is the best choice for customers who want to speak to a person to resolve their issues; this is good for those clients who don’t want to use email. Based on your live chat hours of operation, a client can get immediate support even while they’re in the middle of making a purchase.

Research shows that 73% of clients who use live chat are “satisfied” or “very satisfied” with the experience. So this is an effective way to increase your sales.

For this system to work well, your live chat agents must have excellent communication skills and they should be able to handle multiple inquiries during peak periods. Also, you must provide your customers with an alternative channel when live chat isn’t available.

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How Do You Know If You’re Doing The RIGHT Thing?




Each of us, at some – point, wonders, if/ what, we are doing, and seek, is, actually, the RIGHT thing! This, usually, requires, a willingness, to give oneself, a check – up, from the neck – up, and examine, our motives/ motivations, and reasoning/ rationale, in an objective, introspective manner, and a truly, open – mind! Most people want to believe, they are doing so, but, it is normal, to, at – times, question our motives, and actions/ behavior! If/ when, we feel, confident, in our perspectives, etc. we become, more comfortable, and ready, willing, and able, to expand those, self – imposed, limitations, of our personal comfort zone! With, that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, using the mnemonic approach, what this means and represents, and why it matters!

1. Truthful; timely; time – tested: It never pays, or benefits you, to lie, to yourself! We benefit, when/ if, we proceed, in a truthful, realistic way, and are willing to recognize, both, our personal strengths, and weaknesses! One must learn to use areas of strength, while being ready, and willing, to address, every area of weakness, and/ or, potential weaknesses! Procrastination, is, almost, always, our enemy, so it is important to proceed, using, well – considered, timely actions, etc! The best scenario is, when, this approach, aligns, with taking advantage of time – tested, knowledge, experience, and expertise, to be, both, ready, and able, to gain the necessary degree of wisdom and judgment!

2. Humane; head/ heart; healing; honest: We benefit, when we are honest, with ourselves! We must, consistently, pursue, humane treatment, of ourselves, as we would consider, the way, we should treat others! It takes using the finest aspects of, both, our emotional, and logical components, to proceed, in a head/ heart balance! When, our priority, is, to maximize, our personal healing, and health, we benefit, significantly!

3. Integrity; insights; implications; ideas; imagination; innovate: Try, not to, lie – to – yourself, and maintain absolute integrity, even, when, another path, may be simpler! The insights, you gain, have significant implications, in, how, you proceed! It takes quality, relevant ideas, combined with a meaningful, well – considered, imagination, to make us feel, confident, when we innovate, as needed!

4. Needs; nerve: Know your needs, goals, perceptions, priorities, and personal reasons/ rationale, and, then, have the nerve, to take the actions, which provide you, with the finest options, and opportunities!

5. Good/ great; generate goodwill; growth: The better, you develop, your personal growth, and seek better – than good (but, demand, great/ excellence), the more, you will feel, good, about your decision – making abilities, and talents, and proceed, with finer, personal, goodwill!

If, you know, and feel comfortable, you will do the RIGHT thing, your life, will, generally, be less stressful, etc! Are you up to the tasks?

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