Doug Emhoff speaks on the 2024 Democratic Nationwide ConferenceMom Jones illustration; Robert Gauthier/Los Angeles Instances/Getty; Andrew Caballero-Reynolds/AFP/Getty
Like his spouse, Vice President Kamala Harris, Doug Emhoff embodies lots of firsts. The primary second gentleman. The primary Jew to be the partner of a vice chairman. Each roles that might quickly get an improve.
However what jumped out to me about Emhoff’s speech on the second evening of the DNC was one thing he shares in widespread with much more People: He’s a part of a blended household. And by no means earlier than has that standing—one shared by 40 p.c of married {couples} who’ve youngsters within the family, and plenty of others as nicely—been celebrated (and even passingly talked about) on the stage of a nationwide political conference.
When Doug walked to the rostrum, he started by pointing up into the stands saying, “Hey to my large, stunning, blended household up there. I really like you a lot.”
Kamala, in fact, was 80 miles away at a 15,000-person rally in Milwaukee. However Doug’s daughter, Ella, and his ex-wife, Kerstin, beamed down; his son, Cole, had simply launched Doug with a shifting introduction and video.
In it, Cole set the theme: “My dad and mom break up after I was in center faculty and that wasn’t simple, that’s not simple on any child. Nevertheless it helped that my dad and mom stayed mates, and that all of us stored hanging collectively. We grew nearer than ever. After which he met Kamala. The blind date that may dramatically change all of our lives, eternally. It was my senior 12 months of highschool. Ella and I’d snigger, watching them fall in love, appearing like youngsters. In 2014, Kamala grew to become Momala. She took over Sunday evening dinners and taught Doug the right way to truly prepare dinner. Our blended household wasn’t used to politics or the highlight however when Kamala grew to become senator, we had been all excited to step up, particularly my dad…We would not seem like different households within the White Home, however we’re able to signify all households in America.”
In a speech plagued by Gen X references and centering round a captivating story of his first blind date with Kamala, Doug continued to inform the story of their household: “These of you who belong to blended households know that they are often…a bit of difficult. However as quickly as our children began calling her Momala, I do know we’d be okay. Ella calls us a three-headed parenting machine. Kamala and Kerstin, thanks each. Thanks each. For at all times placing your loved ones first.”
He later talked about having a uncommon second at residence with Kamala in the previous few weeks. He discovered her in her “favourite chair” engrossed in a telephone name. Was it a nationwide emergency? A marketing campaign disaster? No, Doug stated. Ella had known as her, and she or he’d dropped all the things to focus. “These youngsters are her priorities and that scene is a map of her coronary heart. She’s at all times been there for our kids, and I do know she’ll be there for yours too.”
Doug and Kerstin’s marriage ended partially as a result of he had an affair with a instructor on the youngsters’ faculty. However they made it via that nicely sufficient not solely to co-parent however to finally function as a unit with Kamala, as that “three-headed parenting machine.” The three of them even do Soul Cycle collectively. (Kerstin, a movie producer and CEO—she helped make Cole’s video—says Doug realized the right way to be extra attentive and proactive in his second marriage. “After all he’s a greater husband, and that’s nice,” she advised Time in 2021. “That’s the way it must be.”)
Kamala Harris is the primary stepparent to be vice chairman. We’ve had two divorced presidents: Ronald Reagan was the primary. For no matter purpose, the youngsters of Reagan’s first marriage, to Jane Wyman, who survived previous infancy, Maureen and Michael, had been principally within the background; the youngsters of Reagan and his second spouse, Nancy, Patti and Ron, had difficult and sometimes contentious relationships with their dad and mom.
Donald Trump has been married 3 times and had youngsters with all three wives. He not often acknowledges the kid from his second marriage, Tiffany, a lot much less her mother, Marla Maples. He famously cheated on his first spouse, Ivana, with Maples, and on his third spouse, Melania, with a Playboy playmate and an grownup movie star. (I believe it’s secure to imagine these weren’t the one infidelities.) His accounts of his different youngsters ranges from cursory (Barron is “actually tall”) to creepy (Trump ceaselessly discusses Ivanka’s boobs and butt.) He and Melania seem to detest one another, as movies of her swatting him away and rolling her eyes in disdain display.
In the meantime, Trump’s VP decide, JD Vance, has attacked Kamala, and anybody else who isn’t married with organic youngsters, as “childless cat women,” and agreed with pundits who say the function of “post-menopausal girls” is to care for grandkids. “These are baseless assaults,” Kerstin Emhoff shot again through CNN. “For over 10 years, since Cole and Ella had been youngsters, Kamala has been a co-parent with Doug and I. She is loving, nurturing, fiercely protecting, and at all times current. I really like our blended household and am grateful to have her in it.” (Ella posted on Instagram: “I really like my three dad and mom.”)
Any type of household takes work. And calls for grace. Blended households could be additional work, and typically demand additional grace. Regardless of the causes your relationship ended, it ain’t simple to set them apart to co-parent your youngsters. It ain’t simple to welcome your ex’s new companion into your life, and it ain’t simple to determine the function of a stepparent. Youngsters navigate (and typically exploit) any rifts among the many adults. Certainly Kamala, Doug, Kerstin, Cole, and Ella have had their variations and fights. What household doesn’t?
However not like the famously lazy Trump, they’ve put within the work. And in contrast to the unbearably sanctimonious Vance, they present one another grace.
And by placing that effort and that respectfulness on show, they assist the 114 million People who’ve a step-relationship really feel seen.