Isn’t it Bromantic?
Expensive Remy,
Hollywood can be rocked off its axis to know this, however all will not be properly in my marriage.
I’m in what I’ll reluctantly name a “energy couple” (I hate that phrase; it makes us sound like we run an MLM promoting protein powder). My spouse and I are each world-famous actors and have been married for over a decade.
This yr, I made a film the place I obtained to co-star with my finest man buddy. It’s the stuff desires are product of: Spending each day bro-ing out, facet by facet in make-up, training our stunts collectively, and even studying the most recent TikTok dances. However sadly, my spouse’s jealousy has made it troublesome for me to get pleasure from these Elysian days with him. She says I speak about him on a regular basis, that I’ve better chemistry with him than I ever had together with her, and that he clearly is aware of me in a manner she by no means may.
Whereas the press is joking about my “bromance” with my co-star, my spouse appears severely satisfied there’s one thing extra between us. And, after all, I’d be fortunate if that had been true. He speaks a number of languages, is probably the most bold particular person I do know, and has neck muscle tissue to die for. I may go to sleep listening to his singing voice — it’s like Manuka honey spun by Athena herself. And positive, he makes me really feel like one of the best model of myself once I’m staring into his caramel-brown eyes — however who doesn’t have a buddy like that?
Remy, how can I make my spouse see that I’m dedicated to our marriage and that my relationship with my man buddy is only a friendship?… A beautiful, distinctive, and intoxicating whirlwind of a friendship.
Yours,
A Devoted Husband
Expensive Devoted Husband,
Ah, the basic bromance conundrum — when your coronary heart is torn between two loves: your partner and your finest bro. It’s like a Hollywood rom-com, besides hopefully the script is a bit more nuanced.
First, let’s acknowledge that your spouse’s emotions are legitimate. It’s not straightforward being on the skin wanting in on a relationship as shut as yours together with your co-star. However the excellent news is, she’s extra involved about being ignored than about any actual risk to your marriage.
Now, I’ve to ask — may there be a grain of fact in her considerations? You’ve described your finest buddy in glowing, nearly poetic phrases. It’s one factor to admire somebody, however it’s value contemplating whether or not there may be some unrecognized emotions there. In case you are getting misplaced in his eyes, or transfixed by the sinews of his neck (I didn’t understand there have been exercises that skilled this muscle group — it’s spectacular), it may be value holding area for what this implies. Attraction will be sophisticated, and it doesn’t must imply the tip of your marriage.
That stated, let’s discover how one can reassure your spouse and preserve each relationships. Might there be a strategy to carry your spouse into the fold? Not within the sense of a literal ménage à trois, however by together with her in a number of the enjoyable you and your buddy are having. Shared experiences may assist her really feel extra linked and fewer like she’s competing together with your bestie.
Additionally, attempt flipping the script. Present her how a lot you worth your marriage. Plan some particular time only for the 2 of you — with out your co-star. Reignite that spark with actions that remind you each why you’re one another’s chosen accomplice in life. Perhaps a romantic getaway or a date evening the place you allow discuss of Neck Day on the door.
On the finish of the day, it’s about steadiness. Cherish your bromance, however ensure your spouse is aware of she’s nonetheless primary on the decision sheet.
Yours in harmonious casting,
Remy
Illustration by Russ Tudor
My Battle with Schmooze
Expensive Remy,
They are saying that networking is the bedrock of our business, however I feel I’d quite put on polka dot Crocs for the remainder of my life than do one other minute of it.
I’m a author, so I do know that my success is dependent upon constructing connections with producers, administrators and expertise who may assist me land that subsequent commissioned mission. However it all feels so pretend.
I’ve watched pals pinball round Oscars after-parties, rictus grinning at one studio head or one other. I sit in a nook nursing a Negroni Sbagliato, watching them thwack individuals on their Tom Ford-encased shoulders and guffaw at paper-thin jokes. I’ve tried to observe their instance, however it’s excruciating. Networking actually upsets my abdomen. Remy, I feel I’m growing IBS.
Apart from the awkwardness, I really feel like networking is ethically doubtful. How can I say I’m working with individuals who share my genuine objectives when it began with me pretending to love their cufflinks on the Soho Home check-in desk? The most effective artwork is born of honesty, and but right here I’m pretending to care in regards to the Montessori methodology as a result of the director I’m chatting with at an business mixer simply adopted 3-year-old twins and needs “a extra conscious strategy to pedagogy in parenting.”
The final time I approached somebody at a networking occasion, they spent the primary ten minutes considering I used to be the waiter. After I left, I wasn’t positive in the event that they wished my script or the breadsticks.
Remy — assist! What ideas do you may have for somebody who’s allergic to networking?
Yours,
The Man with the Empty Contacts E book
Expensive Man with the Empty Contacts E book,
I really feel your ache. Networking can really feel like a recreation the place everybody’s carrying a masks and holding their true intentions near their chest. However let’s reframe “networking” as “relationship-building.” At its core, it’s about discovering real human connections in a sea of plastic smiles.
Right here’s the factor: Networking doesn’t must be a slick, schmoozy affair. The most effective connections occur if you’re being your genuine self, not if you’re pretending to care about cufflinks or Montessori strategies. Folks on this business worth sincerity greater than you may suppose. So, neglect the onerous promote and deal with making actual connections with individuals who share your passions. Speak about what genuinely excites you, even when it’s as area of interest as your favourite Negroni recipe. The individuals value figuring out will recognize your authenticity, or on the very least, stroll away with an thrilling twist to share with their private mixologist.
And if working a room nonetheless makes your abdomen churn, begin small. Establish a few individuals you admire or share one thing in frequent with and strike up a one-on-one dialog. You may be stunned at how way more snug—and productive—it feels. You possibly can all the time preserve a Bentyl available simply in case.
Bear in mind, a number of the finest offers are revamped espresso or a recreation of pool quite than in a crowded room filled with determined handshakes. So, why not attempt inviting somebody out for a relaxed chat as a substitute of braving the following huge occasion?
High quality over amount, my buddy. A couple of real connections can go a great distance.
Yours in genuine connections,
Remy
Obit Too A lot
Expensive Remy,
I make a dwelling out of dying. Don’t lose your cool — I’m not a hitman or a grave-robber — I write the obituaries for awards ceremonies.
Right here’s the place it will get difficult: In 2024, there are simply so many well-known people who my workload is off the deep finish. After I began out within the ’90s, the variety of individuals the world over who had been well-known was within the 1000’s. In 2024, it have to be within the lots of of 1000’s.
It’s all the time been difficult to choose and select who to cowl annually for the “In Memoriam” sections when awards season rolls round. However the movie star demises are piling up. How do I select whose deaths we report on? Ought to I deal with it like a recreation of Prime Trumps, scoring individuals on classes like philanthropy, awards gained or creative influence? Remy, I by no means wished to play God, I simply wished my phrases learn out by Morgan Freeman often.
Folks suppose all these celebrities are instantly dying at a quicker fee. However there’s no mysterious Hollywood curse — no Dantean satan deal — it’s simply that we’re overpopulated with well-known individuals, and we don’t have the posthumous sources to help this.
Remy, I feel I’m affected by a singular type of burnout. I can’t consider I’m asking this, however are you able to see an answer to the issue? There are simply TOO MANY well-known individuals!
Yours,
Overwhelmed by Obituaries
Expensive Overwhelmed by Obituaries,
Let’s get sensible first. For those who’re feeling swamped, it may be time to undertake a range criterion that’s extra goal than subjective. Consider it as curating a time capsule for the ages. Begin with these whose influence has transcended mere movie star — those that’ve formed tradition, modified lives or pioneered one thing extraordinary. And sure, a little bit of Prime Trumps logic may assist, as chilly as that sounds. Legacy factors depend!
Contemplate collaborating with a various panel of specialists — historians, cultural critics, even followers — that will help you make these robust selections. This manner, the choice course of isn’t simply in your shoulders, and you may guarantee a broader perspective on who really deserves to be remembered. It’s like making a “Folks’s Alternative” award for the dearly departed.
However let’s speak about your burnout. Writing obituaries, particularly for many who’ve impacted so many, will be an emotional grind. It’s not simply in regards to the phrases; it’s about honoring lives in a manner that resonates. Perhaps it’s time to step again and mirror on the tales which have moved you most in your profession. As an alternative of specializing in quantity, why not deal with depth? Highlighting the lives which have profoundly influenced you might rekindle your ardour for this work.
Contemplate writing a sequence of in-depth items on the unsung heroes of Hollywood — those that won’t have made the “In Memoriam” reduce, however whose contributions had been simply as very important. Or maybe you might discover the thought of a “behind-the-scenes” have a look at the “In Memoriam” course of, shedding mild on the emotional and logistical challenges you face on this distinctive function. It might be a strategy to honor those that’ve handed whereas additionally giving a nod to the unsung writers such as you who assist us keep in mind them.
And don’t neglect, it’s okay to take a breather. A brief hiatus may provide the recent perspective it’s essential to sort out your workload with renewed power. Even the Grim Reaper takes a break every now and then.
Yours in everlasting remembrance,
Remy
Remy Blumenfeld is a veteran TV producer and founding father of Vitality Guru, which gives enterprise and profession teaching to excessive performers in media. Ship queries to: [email protected].
Questions edited by Sarah Mills.