Robert F. Kennedy Jr. & How White House Hopes Can Be Undone by a Dog

There are lots of, many the reason why Robert F. Kennedy Jr. won’t ever be president. 

For starters, his declare {that a} parasitic worm ate a part of his mind is probably going a deal breaker for a big phase of the American citizens, even when it does clarify a few of Kennedy’s wackier conspiracy theories, just like the one about anti-depressants inflicting faculty shootings, or COVID-19 being a lab-created bioweapon “designed to focus on Caucasians and Black folks” (whereas sparing Jews and Chinese language). His head-scratching competition that Palestinians are “essentially the most pampered folks… within the historical past of the world” can be sure to show off to numerous voters, as is his assertion that industrial chemical compounds are inflicting “gender confusion” amongst at present’s youngsters.

However the No. 1 motive that RFK Jr. won’t ever sit behind the Resolute Desk has nothing to do with any of the above. It’s that he supposedly as soon as ate a canine.

He denies it, after all — he insists it was a goat. However the story is on the market, anyway, in a July 2 Vainness Truthful article that unearthed a 2010 photograph of Kennedy and an unidentified lady chomping into the barbequed stays of what certain seems to be like a canine. In keeping with the journal, final yr Kennedy texted that image to a buddy who was touring to Korea, suggesting he strive a restaurant there that served canine. Vainness Truthful went as far as to seek the advice of a veterinarian, who confirmed that the carcass within the image did certainly look like a canine. However even when the journal screwed the pooch on the details — even when the vet was improper and it actually was a goat, not a canine, that he had eaten throughout a visit to South America, not Korea, as Kennedy contends — it doesn’t matter. As a result of the harm has been completed.

In American politics, there isn’t any better sin than malice towards Fido. This, by the best way, is true of Hollywood, as properly; Martin Scorsese and Quentin Tarantino can slaughter as many Homo sapiens as they please on the display screen — and sometimes do — however they each know higher than to ever kill a pet in a film. Audiences merely gained’t tolerate it. Simply because the citizens won’t ever abide animal brutality in a candidate. No person needs Cruella De Vil for president. And even vp.

The latest politician to study this lesson was South Dakota governor Kristi Noem, who for a sizzling second final spring regarded like a strong contender as Donald Trump’s 2024 VP decide. However then Noem revealed her memoir, which included a jaw-dropping yarn about how she as soon as shot and killed a rambunctious 14-month-old wirehair pointer as a result of it was “lower than nugatory… as a searching canine.” Noem included the chilling anecdote in her e book for example her willingness to do something “troublesome, messy and ugly” that wanted to get completed, which she clearly assumed can be interpreted by MAGA voters as a successful character trait. She’d have been higher off — no less than politically — if she’d confessed to being the Zodiac Killer.

Mitt Romney by no means murdered a canine — no less than that we all know of — however he did admit to stuffing his Irish Setter in a provider and strapping it to the roof of his station wagon for a 12-hour household street journey. That revelation — or “Crate Gate,” because it got here to be recognized — shortly overwhelmed his 2012 marketing campaign towards Barack Obama, sparking “Canines Towards Romney” protests exterior the Westminster canine present and galvanizing New York Instances columnist Gail Collins to put in writing no fewer than 50 tales on the scandal. Who can say if that was the factor that finally misplaced Romney the election, however all that fur-flying clearly didn’t assist.

As with every little thing in life and in politics, there are exceptions to the rule. Lyndon Johnson unleashed howls of protests from animal lovers when he picked up his Beagle by the ears in entrance of a pack of White Home photographers, however nonetheless ended up successful the 1964 presidential election by a landslide. And whereas possibly not precisely merciless, a couple of wily candidates have shamelessly — and efficiently — exploited their animals for political benefit: Richard Nixon’s 1952 “Checkers speech,” through which he neutralized a possible scandal over illicit marketing campaign contributions by invoking his Cocker Spaniel, a present from one in all his supporters, was a masterstroke of manipulation that many historians consider saved his profession. “And, , the children, like all youngsters, liked the canine,” Dwight Eisenhower’s then-vice president instructed the nation in a televised tackle. “And I simply wish to say this, proper now, that no matter what they are saying about it, we’re going to preserve it.”

They didn’t name him Difficult Dick for nothing.

As for the present candidates for president, they’ve each to date averted their very own canine disaster, though they’ve every come inside a whisker of 1. Donald Trump is understood to hate canine (in her memoir, his ex-wife Ivana wrote about Trump’s frequent battles together with her pet poodle, Chappy, who would “bark at him territorially”). However dislike and cruelty aren’t fairly the identical factor, and on condition that the Republican soon-to-be-nominee occurs to even be a convicted felon and an adjudicated intercourse offender, an aversion to canine is possibly not essentially the most problematic a part of his candidacy. Joe Biden does love canine, however sadly the canine he loves don’t at all times love him. His German Shepherd, Main, needed to be evicted from the White Home in 2021 after biting the presidential foot. (Additionally — simply in case it comes up sooner or later — Vice President Kamala Harris is an animal lover, too; she has a step-dog named Harper, who belongs to her husband, Doug Emhoff.) 

Nonetheless, not one of the above-mentioned politicians has ever bragged about consuming a canine, a lot much less been photographed trying like they have been about to dig right into a roasted Rover. Which implies that all of them, not like Robert Kennedy Jr., have no less than an opportunity of being the subsequent president of america.